TIME FLIES WHEN YOU’RE IN A COMA

author:
MARK DALY

Non-fiction
144 pages
Plume

What an unbelievably stupid book this is. The premise: Metal gods, as they were known, like Ozzy, Alice Copper, Judas Priest, and even Lita Ford, not only rocked through the eighties like bats out of hell, but also answered life’s greatest philosophical quandaries in their lyrics. Heavy metal is high art, folks—this is the memo.

The book is about one-hundred-and-fifty pages long. There is usually a full-bleed photo on the left-hand page, while on the right sits those tiny of nuggets of “wisdom,” which are usually no longer than ten or fifteen words long and have been set in a blood-red, gothic-y serif. That’s pretty much it. By the way, this book was manufactured then shipped on freight across the country. Well, here’s a quandary: At what point can a book be considered a crime against the environment?

Anyway, here’s an example from the book. It’s from Black Sabbath’s “After Forever.” Guitarist Tony Iommi is featured in the photograph, though I have no idea why since he didn’t write the lyrics: “Perhaps you think that when you’re dead you just stay in your grave?” Why, yes, as a matter of fact I do. So does Salman Rushdie, who once said, “When you’re dead, you’re dead forever.” Ah! A really smart guy setting the record straight on something some idiot in some rock band said. Now there’s a book I might actually want to read.

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